Since I can remember I have always been an ambitious person. Whether it was in school, in career or in my own self development, I naturally tried to attain goals that were in future reach. Of course I always saw this as a good feature and took pride in my desire for more in life until I realized something, I didn’t know, understood or accepted who I was in many moments of the present. My yearning for more had always taken me away from what and who was right in front of me. I yearned to be better in the future instead of understood and created contentment with who I already was in the present. In turn it created a detachment from all of who I was and instead of accepting certain aspects of me that I didn’t like or understand I set more goals to change or “better” me. This created a sense of shame or guilt for the areas of myself that I felt needed changing. It wasn’t until I was pregnant with my daughter that I truly learned to create space for ALL of who I was in the present moment. Riddled with so many hormones and emotions, I had no choice but to see parts of myself that I usually tried to control or hold back in hope of changing. But because I now understood the importance of not holding emotions in during pregnancy (or it could affect my baby) I let the parts of me I labeled as crazy or that weren’t so pleasing run free! This created a newfound sense of forgiveness, learning and gratitude for those parts of me. This is what acceptance is all about.
We can’t get so caught up in the unwanted emotions we have, the qualities/things we wish we had or the expectations we put on ourselves (& others) that we are not having gratitude for who we already are & what we have. Acceptance is giving gratitude and patience for yourself NO MATTER what you are or are not in the present moment. This can be hard because we’ve been taught an external system of what’s right or wrong and in turn judge ourselves if we don’t fit. The reality is it is up to you and you alone to have grace and acceptance for yourself even if you feel you’ve done some foul, monstrous things because it is THERE where you will find the understanding of how to change or maneuver in those traits or emotions in a way that is serving to you. Getting stuck in trying to control , shame, guilt or even motivate yourself out of those emotions/traits is only building a barrier between you and yourself. This is why so many people who constantly try to be better or on the straight and narrow go through so much anxiety and depression because they’re ignoring the nature of who they are and you cannot find true peace & fulfillment without self acceptance!
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